Scandalous Jam

This originally appeared in a slightly different form on the now defunct (RIP) food blog, Root (Underground Food)

~ Tallulah Bankhead’s last words

Called "an extremely immoral woman", Tallulah Bankhead was actually investigated by MI5 for reported "indecent and unnatural practices" with Eton schoolboys.

She liked cocaine. And gin. And men. And women. She smoked 100 cigarettes a day. She swore like a fucking sailor. Her parties lasted for days on end. Her drink was bourbon and water (without the water), and she could down a bottle by herself in 30 minutes. 

I like to think this delicious Bourbon Bacon Jam is fit for a woman of Ms Bankhead’s caliber. A woman with lust for life. If you choose to consume this, pray do, but do so with abandon. No small nibbles to be polite. No guilt. No apologies.

If you are too uptight - too square to roll with the wild kids, then you might want to look away. You won’t like what you see - this is a sticky, sweet, boozy, piggy perversion. 

Bacon/Bourbon Jam, Dahling

• 1 lb applewood smoked bacon, cut in 1 inch hunks

• 1 medium yellow onion, sliced

• 3 cloves garlic, smashed

• 1 large shallot, grated

• ½ an apple, grated

• 4 T apple cider vinegar

• ¼ C strong brewed coffee or espresso

• ½ C bourbon (I used Woodford Reserve, because it’s yummy)

• 3 T light brown sugar

• ¼ t freshly grated nutmeg

• 1 t smoked paprika

• 1 t black pepper

• 2 t chili flakes

• 3 T Hot Sauce

• 2 T honey

~ Cook the bacon until done - crisp around the edges, but still meaty and moist on the inside. Remove from pan, drain.

~ Caramelize the onion in the bacon fat and brown sugar - wait until it starts to go golden amber, then add in the shallot, apple, and garlic. Continue to slowly caramelize until dark and sticky.

~ Return bacon to pan, then add honey, hot sauce, and dry spices; stir to combine and coat

~ Add liquids to pan, bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. Let it simmer and thicken until it has reached a deep golden brown. Transfer to a food processor and pulse until it has a consistency you like (I made it fairly fine and spreadable; you may wish to leave it chunkier. Do what you like best - Tallulah would!)

Spread this on good toasty bread and serve with cocktails. Slather it onto a bun for the best hamburger condiment ever - it’s got everything! People at your next BBQ will hail you as a deity. Or you can add a spoonful to some scrambled eggs for a lazy but delicious breakfast fit for a silver screen diva with a wicked hangover and a stranger in her bed.